Wednesday, May 31, 2006

six more hours
yee-haw




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Sunday, May 28, 2006

strangely enough, I find reassurance in your written word
but it is your eyes that are the windows to your soul




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girls always want what they cant have…
boys always want what looks good
only in a dimly lit club




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Thursday, May 25, 2006

now this is what I call web design!!

http://www.theraconteurs.com




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I was at barnes and noble today
browsing in the graphic design computer book section..
aka the geek section
and I laughed so hard I almost peed a little
(I stole that from harvey.. thanks)

low and behold, right before my eyes,
like a virgin that finally found the hole,
I saw

"Blogging For Dummies"

I know I say this an awful lot but
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

just to prove that this is no joke:




back cover read, "Follow blogging etiquette"
umm I didn't know there was a
"blogging etiquette"
if there is, then give me a ticket
cuz I must've broken a blogging law or two by now


i swear if i find out about anyone i know buying this book,
i'm gonna have to bop you on the head with my bamboo duster
and charge you $24.95 for it



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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

It was 1992. 
I practiced for about half an hour before I called him. 
in a two week span I had my first blind date,
acquired my first boyfriend,
became smitten with another cute boy who had a dimple,
broke up with my boyfriend for reasons other than the truth,
lost a best friend and didn’t even get the boy I was smitten with.
I was a fifth grade tyrant.




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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

so like i said before i get a lot of emails.  mostly porn (read 5/18/06) but then i also get really neat emails from people that actually read this site.  i spend all day long updating other people’s websites using all the bells and whistles you can think of but i’m way too freakin lazy to put together my own design portfolio or even update this website. i know it looks sooooo 2004 with makeshift guestbooks and a contact form that didn’t work until 2005 but hey, why fix it if it ain’t broke?

over the course of its two and a half year existence, i have gotten some hate mail saying that i was fake and a typical oc chick and blah blah blah f ur mom cuz im from the valley dammit.  but i’ve also gotten really sincere emails from people saying that my perception on life gets them through the mundane workday and somehow my site has taken some real estate on their internet favorites list. woohoo right next to tommys-bookmarks.com.  ok ok i gave away my secret but might as well share the wealth.

every now and then i’ll get one that makes my jaw drop.. in a good way that is.  when this happens i feel compelled to share it with the world wide web.

”even though the world is small, the factor isn't size, it's timing, like two people running into each other in a crowded downtown train, the ticket machine, the escalator, the sliding doors, the same car, the same train, the same direction...rare.  as you can imagine by prolonging your day longer by not sleeping you have an extra moment to be happy or sad...i hope in this moment you find a spark of joy...please continue to dig into those crevices for enlightenment to share with all of us.  good night. -jerrin




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I’ve been unemployed now for 28 days.

Since then, I have made a video, finished the volcom online catalog, the rvca splash page and several personal websites.  If I had it my way I would love to do this all day long and never have to be on an employer’s time schedule.  Where is the reality in that though nowadays?  It’s such a roller coaster to hunt down payment from clients and it’s even harder to put a price tag on my services.  I can sit here and bitch and moan about where I “should” be and how it really fiddles my horn that some people just fall into good fortune but hey.. life goes on right? I’ve worked hard all my life, going above and beyond the call of duty only to get taken advantage of. But then again, you can only get taken advantage of if you are expecting something in return. If anything, I have never expected anything from anyone. In fact I actually have a tendency of pushing people away when they get too close and I feel myself depending on them more than I think I should.  As the gavel slams down, dust rises from the podium and the verdict is, I expect a lot out of myself, eternally cursed with self inflicted disappointment. 

If there was only a tiny pill I could take to cure this ailment.




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Sunday, May 21, 2006

you are photogenic
and i’m cappy hamera




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the key is to keep on your toes.
it’s easy to get too comfortable.
a possible beginning to an end.




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Thursday, May 18, 2006

Are you foreal?

I get tonssssss of emails. 90% of them are sex related because my best pal, whose name will remain anonymous, sent me a link in an email so of course I clicked on it and somehow it got my email address and now I am the recipient of Subject headings such as:
“Blonde teen gets her shaved twat banged”
“A man with a small dick is like a candle that is almost burned. Be a new candle with Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enlargement Pills.”
”Cheerleader gets licked and pounded”
”With Spermamax one towel won’t be enough to wipe off your sperm”
”Leather clad granny slut poohole slam in bath tub”
and that’s just to name a few.

this one was funny…

Date: Wed, 17 May 2006 18:22:40 -0700 (PDT)
From
:  "Paul Crowder" et35fi3kf73@yahoo.com
Subject: FuckBuddies in your area

Are you interested in having sex with people who live just minutes from you?
Meet guys and girls who just want to have sex?

Our dating system can help you out!
77% of people who tried us out already found a partner using our system...

Best of all... You only pay one dollar! Right here!

-----* whoa one dollar?!! What am I waiting for? Hahaha.. I mean seriously.. do people really respond to this spam mail?




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If life was a jar,
you would definitely want more boulders than pebbles in it.




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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

my pet!



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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Why would I sabotage the best thing that I have?

I want to hear you laugh
like
you mean it
and collapse in joy.

That is the difference.




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Monday, May 15, 2006

“Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better and you can't stand it.
It just doesn't feel like a night out
with
no one sizing you up.
I've never been so surreptitious”

There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet.
-Panic! At the Disco




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Sunday, May 14, 2006

you’re like the nuclear bomb
that took out all the other landmines”

umm.. yah thanks.




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i want to be your wow.




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am i the walking dead?

feel, felt, found.
sales tactic i picked up along the way.

wouldn’t you agree?




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Friday, May 12, 2006

tab energy drink advertisement:
”fake is for last night, not handbags”

haha. what it has to do with an energy drink..
beats me.. but it did manage to make me chuckle,
that’s for sure.




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: lick my eyeball. show me you care :



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Monday, May 08, 2006

I took off my eyebrow piercing today.
I feel like a different person.
wigged.




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if i had to lick any fairies ass
it would definitely be tinkerbell's




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Friday, May 05, 2006

i wish i could just look into a bright white light
and forget everything that has happened before today




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trying to decipher if i am being irrational
never expected anything back except
love
too much to ask for

you have been through a lot in your past.
broken a few hearts
had yours bent a time or two
so have i
i admit maybe i am
immature

don’t know how to deal with things
but at least i tried

its tough to live up to something
that you aren’t
i cant be what im not
i cant live in a world
that is not mine to live in

living on a whim
fickle
follow what i feel
not what i know may be right
how can you know what is right
until you have tried?
and failed.

feelings so strong
clouding right from wrong
jumping from one failure to another
breaking you down
each time more frail than before

wanting something real
trying to formulate my perfect
disillusion far greater than predicted

what keeps me awake at night rambling like this?




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Thursday, May 04, 2006

i read the following article in cosmo: 8 New Places to Have Great Sex
in the name of erotic exploration, I have decided to discuss
why these lusty locales are just absolutely impractical.

1. In front of the fridge

”open the door to your fridge and have your man sit on the floor with the back against the cool shelves, then straddle him.”  I don’t know about you, but the floor directly in front of my fridge has witnessed many sticky icky spills and it really doesn’t need another one.  I also don’t think my man would enjoy having his arse on the freezing wooden floor while I take him to town.  I get a little rough and his toosh wouldn’t be too stoked with me.  “You can also incorporate food into your frisky play  umm okay yah slight problem. my fridge is filled with the 3 major food groups: condiments, beer and water.  There’s something very unsensual about squirting ketchup or mustard and beer on a naked body.. oooohhh well maybe the beer.. yum lick lick. Im such an alcoholic!

2. A rowboat

don’t get me wrong, im all about busting out the closet freak with this idea and making some waves in a rowboat but seriously.. who has a rowboat in orange county? And if you do.. umm, can I borrow it? :winkwink:

3. The hood of your car

”spread a blanket on the hood and have an old school romp under the stars.”  Seriously, let’s take a moment to think about this one.  How many guys do you know that would actually let a girl even close to sitting on the hood of their car. Umm okay yah… out of all my male gendered friends, I can’t pinpoint a single one that would do that, unless they drive their parents beat up hand me down and they just want to get laid.  most of the guys I know would go ballistic if a tiny fly even landed on the hood of their car. They would have to get their baby waxed again even though they just did it the day before.  Not to mention in Orange County, the idea of having a mercedes benz hood ornament jammed into my trunk doesn’t sound too appealing.  As romantic as getting banged on the hood of a car underneath the stars sounds, I just don’t see myself getting down for that git down.  If I could, then I would, but I cant, so I wont.

4. A farmer’s field

omg are you fucking kidding me? where the hell does cosmo think we are? Idaho? While rolling around in the hay sounds tempting, there aint no hay in Orange County and even if there was….. ouch. I mean who came up with “rolling in the hay”.  Can you imagine being buck naked ‘sewing your oats’ on prickly strands of dry hay?  Ouchhhhhh and ewwww stinky.  Because if you’re on hay that means you’re probably close to farm animals which means it probably stinks like shit and I don’t know about taking in a huge whiff of manure while moaning in passionate ecstasy.  Plus im allergic to horses and grass and the only thing I want nibbling my inner thigh is a hot little farm boy not some weird blood sucking insect. I’ll pass.

5. A sleeping compartment on a train

need I remind cosmo.. I live in ORANGE COUNTY… unless you are in Europe or Japan, this is probably a no go.  And even if you were in Japan, have you seen the size of those tiny compartments? I mean even anorexic midgets probably couldn’t get all up in the koolaid. As far as being a possible “passion playground” the likelihood of me (or anyone else that is reading this for that matter) of being in a sleeping compartment on a train, is incredibly slim so we’ll just keep this idea in our back pockets in case we find ourselves trying to pop it off on a railed vehicle. All aboard!

6. On a hike

to get it on in the great outdoors sounds raw and dangerous… wicked tempting, but please refer to #5.  I’m allergic to grass.  Finding a boulder to hide behind so I can snaggle in some nookie would be fabulous but where the hell are you going to find a trail to hike on in orange county.  The only trails I can think of lead right up to someones back yard or it probably is someones back yard that I’d be hiking on since every piece of natural habitat here has been swallowed up by urban development.  Ill keep this one in the back pocket next to the train compartment one for the next time I find myself all hot and bothered in the wilderness. Note to self: bring allergy meds.  There should be only one swollen member present at the session.

7. An exercise bench

umm can we say.. LAME-o Meathead loser boy?  If a guy started getting freaky with me on a exercise bench, he better be some hot personal trainer whose sweat smells like fresh morning dew on rose petals.  And since we all know that eileen being seen at a gym is absolutely unheard of, then canoodling on an exercise bench will probably remain a myth for me.

8. A golf course

umm okay yah. like I’m really going to spread my ‘double eagle’ to have some dude ‘drive iron’ into my ‘bogey’ while slimy grass is going up my ‘albatross’.  I wouldn’t disregard the possibility of a little ‘knee knocker’ while your ‘shag bag’ is maneuvering the golf cart...  plumb bob’ your way to the ‘back nine’ lol. "Plumb bobbing is a difficult skill to acquire and is preferred by many players due to the 'feel' that it provides." Geez have you ever noticed how insanely phallic golf lingo is?  check it out http://www.thegolfexpert.com/lingo-p.asp. in any case, no one is gonna get to ‘texas wedge’ their way into my ‘hole in one’ that’s for sure.



2 slices of leftover z-pizza and 2 cups of theraflu later, I think I should call it a night… wet dreams! 




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so im at a bar on friday and this dude comes up to me and says “wassup mama.”
i responded, ”umm excuse me, did you just call me a llama?” 
yup i was being a snob because i wanted to bust out in absolute hysterical laughter.
who calls a girl ‘mama’ anyways? hahaha seriously… oh my god.
yah calling a girl ‘mama’ is totally gonna get you laid. umm yah no.
even thinking about it now, im about to roll on the floor laughing in tears.
he called me a ‘stuck up bitch’ and walked away defeated.
loser.




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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

code blue.
the judicial system is critically tainted.




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Monday, May 01, 2006

hold the hysteria!
i didn’t delete old blurbs
ß-----------------------
click on the archives and bam they’ll appear




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so i finally decided to automate this whole blurbs thing.
kinda neat in the sense that you can add comments now
if you are bored and wanted to throw in your two and half cents
towards my random thoughts.

:enjoy:




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tongue” is such a strange word.
i mean have you ever really stopped and looked at the way it’s spelled?
what genius came up with that spelling anyways..
the u and e are absolutely useless in the word
i vote we change the spelling to tung.
who’s with me?




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