Thursday, April 30, 2009

17:56 why make a life if you can't live it #

19:26 Friction is a drag #

19:37 The waitress just gave my intern MAD head #

22:19 - Pow Bang Me #

22:22 Wingo Wednesday's rule #


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

i've been practicing


11:55 is at wits end #


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

he said

"Look Szymanski ~points to sign~

it says cute hours are between 5:30pm and 3am

so knock it off"


16:13 its a smoke and mirrors kinda monday. #

21:08 Oh how life would be, if you only had eyes for me #


Monday, April 27, 2009

12:18 - breakfast of champions day 2 #

15:22 Chicken pot pie.. Those are my three favorite things. #


Sunday, April 26, 2009

01:51 Just left "b4twelve" in palo alto. TMFDA. aka too many fuckin drunk asians... copyright eileenszymanski 2009. #

02:23 at Top Cafe where everything is "saried with soup of the day" #

12:57 you cheeky monkey #

14:38 @jchen824 and ei am another sardine in this 6 person can #

16:06 - breakfast of champions #

20:16 - is at beerfest in SF #

20:29 @yukihoang oh i'm goin DOWN #

21:02 @yukihoang don't worry I will slosh for you! ;) #

21:32 - just got laid #


Saturday, April 25, 2009

04:34 is wrastling with the sand man #

12:35 can't be bred in captivity #

21:03 gonna get my wiggle on at "before 12" tonight in palo alto #


Friday, April 24, 2009

" . . . I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul.
Since I knew you, I have been troubled by a remorse that I thought would
never reproach me again, and have heard whispers from old voices impelling
me upward, that I thought were silent forever. I have had unformed ideas of
striving afresh, beginning anew, shaking off sloth and sensuality, and
fighting out the abandoned fight. A dream, all a dream, that ends in
nothing, and leaves the sleeper where he lay down, but I wish you to know
that you inspired it."

-a tale of two cities

how fitting for this space and time.


11:46 stellar #

12:07 i want to scribble my name on your walls #

22:07 I'm losing my balance on this tight rope #


Thursday, April 23, 2009

01:48 i didn't mean to turn you on #

10:03 "supple". doesnt that just sound ~turns on english accent~ naughty? #

18:02 i'd know what to do if i knew what was coming #


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

16:28 i'll have one order of hawtsecks on a platter, to go please. #

21:08 dj colette @ focus tonight #


Tuesday, April 21, 2009



20:03 listening to plain white ts - 1,2,3,4. im the cheesiest cheese ball in the whole blue can. #


Monday, April 20, 2009

14:23 you cant keep safe what wants to break #

20:55 What's a moth without a flame? #

21:52 Grey Gardens is a gReat movie #


Sunday, April 19, 2009

12:11 Right from my brain is where I bleed #

22:11 I want you all to invite "yes" into your lives tonight #


Friday, April 17, 2009

11:24 my legs are gonna be famous in the Volcom snow catalog #

15:09 ei got a case of love bipolar #

22:08 I'm really diggin this song on the AT&T commercial #


Thursday, April 16, 2009

13:05 i put a quarter in the happy machine and it spit it back out at me. #


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

08:44 We're finally soaking up the hours that everyone else throws away #

15:55 Photoshoot with @yourpalmarcus. He's WAY hot you single girls out there ;) #

17:25 choking on my wishbone #


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

let's compare scars
and I'll show you who's is


15:32 consider my fancy, tickled #


Monday, April 13, 2009

in the olden days,
when lovers were separated by a great distance,
they would each be content knowing
that they would both be looking into the same moon at night.

its more like
we should each be content knowing
that we would both be staring into the same internet at night.


its pretty and i like looking at it
but i dont want to touch it and get



Saturday, April 11, 2009

11:19 needs a hug #


Friday, April 10, 2009

12:34 - @Volcom Stone and here's Lola's boyfriend Kato #

12:44 feels like an insect preserved in amber. #

17:27 you've got to be kidding me: another sibling in Japan?! #

19:47 the ting tings - we walk .. makes me wish i still played piano #

21:04 i find the impossible far more interesting #


Thursday, April 09, 2009

Chapter 3

"This is unreal..Really I wanted to find his family as I guess I was just
curious to meet my half brothers and sisters maybe aunt and uncles .I never
even knew his siblings names,just that he had a sister & two brothers..He
did tell my mom his parents were dead and that he was raised in a foster
home.He listed CARL RAPP on his military papers as next of kin.We were not
just her kids we were also his.He just didn't want to be responsible for
us,My mom was 18 when they met & did not have any kids.My brother Richard is
named for him.they named me Elaine as he claimed that was his mothers
name.But You're right it was not her name it was Eileen.After mom had my
sister in 1962 she took us to Virginia in 1965 to stay, she went back to
Texas.He took off around 66 .She never knew where he went .a friend of his
said he had taken off to canada.But I found out years later he had gone to
California.& has kids there.He also has one living in Japan.I do know that
my parents were not legally divorced and that he had married again.I found
that out in 1998.When I first started looking for him and found out he had
died.I just wanted to know ,to ask him how could he have just dumped us and
never looked could he sleep at night knowing he had deserted
us.What ever problems he and mom had were their problems not us kids'.He
came to visit us in Virginia and my grandpa ran him off and told him never
to come back.He took it for real cause that was the last time I saw or heard
from him.No support ,no letters, no good-byes, nothing.Oh well !we did
pretty well with out him .I own and operate a place called "CRITTER HOUSE".A
place for abandonded and abused animals.I worked in nursing for 15 years .I
am married and a member of my church.I have 1 daughter.I live in central Fl.
my sister was murdered 10 years ago this month and Richard (my brother )
lives up in PA."


daz n son: he's just a pussy
eileenerzz: you should lick him then


you can't put a measure to this feeling
it's become more of a hypoxic obsession.

sent from my eiPhone


13:39 he said, misery loves company. #

20:44 and the plot thickens: #


Wednesday, April 08, 2009


And the plot thickens..................

"WOW is right..My father was in the airforce..My mother was 18 when they met
.She was also in the airforce.They had myself and my brother Richard when he
went over seas he came home on a leave and my mom tried to reconcile with
him.She was newly pregnant with my sister sabrina when he left.he came back
when my sister was born and mom took us to virginia to her parents .That is
the last time I saw him.I was 5 years old .they were married in or around
57.She met him and got pregnant with my brother Richard junior (thats why he
married her).he just took off.She did not know where he went.She just
assumed he had gotten a divorce when he told her he was leaving.I never
heard or saw him again.My mom is still alive.She lives here in Florida.I
live in Florida also.I do not have any photos .My mom may still have a
few.My sister looked just like him.She was his.

My sister was murdered 10 years ago this month.Her name is SABRINA LOISE

I found out he had other kids along time ago.I found an address and phone #
on the internet and called the # a girl answered .I asked if this was the
Szymanski residence i asked is this his daughter.She said Yep.and I just
said thank you and hung up.I did not want to tell anyone on the phone
Richard is my father.I guess I just did not want to cause a problem by
letting the girl know that my father and mother were still married to each
other.Or anything like that.I do know he remarried ..But I also have proof
they (he & Mom ) were never divorced ..

I have all of his airforce records.He also was in the army when he was 17
til 20 years old.He went into the airforce the first time at 21.I have never
met his family .He told my mom that his parents were killed in a accident
when he was 16.He did say he had 2 brothers and a sister.That is all I know
about him.Other than he told my mom his mothers name was Elaine.That wasn't
true it is Eileen.I have a copy of his birth certificate.Anyway they named
me Elaine...Rose Elaine Szymanski"


Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Today I was struck with quite a rude awakening, if you can even call it
I found out I have 2 half sisters and a half brother that I never knew

it all began 30-40 years ago. My dad apparently married his first wife in
new jersey and she already had 2 kids from a previous relationship or at
least this is what I was told. He enlisted into the Air Force and was
assigned to go to Korea where he stayed for about a year. When he came back
his wife was pregnant and I'm no math genius but it's kinda obvious that it
couldn't be his so he left her and moved to California.

A couple of years later my blond hair, blue eyed dad met my little filipino,
chinese mom and after a year of dating asked her for her hand in marriage.
They were wed on June 16, 1979 so no they didn't get married because she was
prego because I wasn't born until October 13, 1980. At the time, my mother
already had a daughter from a previous marriage (where her ex husband ended
up becoming a catholic priest but that's a whooooole other story) and
because my dad loved my mom and half sister so much he decided to adopt her
so that we would all have the same long ass last name and be one big happy
family. It's actually kind of funny because when you are little you don't
realize the obvious. It wasn't until I was about 6 or 7 when my mom finally
told me and my sis that we were only half sisters and that she had a
different dad. I look back on it now and its like duhhH. Anyone that has
ever seen us both together knows that we don't look anything alike at all.
nada, zip, zero, zilch.

When I was about 5 years old I remember my dad getting really sick. He had
to have open heart surgery and we were in and out of the hospital living in
waiting rooms and ransacking the pharmacy for candy and toys. The next thing
I remember is my mom bringing him home so I thought everything was all
better. I didn't realize that my dad was terminally ill so he had asked the
doctor if he could live his final days at home with his family instead of
dying in a hospital bed. It was late in the evening when I snuck into my
parent's bedroom to squeeze my way into my normal sleeping spot right in
between them when my mom said "not tonight anak, daddy doesn't feel good." I
remember getting really mad because I thought he was all better. No more
hospitals and I always saw him smiling even though he was operating a little
slower than usual. I stormed back into my room and then heard the screaming.
I saw my sister run to the phone to call 911 and moments later my dad being
carried away in an ambulance, pale as snow and not breathing. It wasn't
until the fireman came up to me and said "don't worry hun, my dad died when
I was little too, you'll be alright" did I realize he was dead.

my dad was an orphan. His mom Eileen Martell was English and Irish and his
dad Michael Szymanski was Polish. They both died in a fatal car accident
when my dad was really young so his 2 brothers and sister were all sent to
an orphanage and adopted by different families. Apparently my dad was trying
really hard to find his siblings when he started becoming ill. It was his
last wish to see them before he passed. Unfortunately only one of his
brothers and sister made it to the funeral. they did not get to see him
while he was still alive. After my dad was laid to rest, uncle michael, his
older brother, tried to keep in contact with me for about a year or two with
christmas cards and gifts but it ended abruptly and I've never heard from
him since. I remember my aunt jeannie had a daughter or maybe two and I
remember they were really pretty. they had the teased hair held up with
aquanet and the blue eyeshadow pink lipstick combo that was hot for 1986. I
have never heard from any of them since the burial. This has been really
painful for me because they were my last connections to my white heritage. I
have always felt torn because I know so little about him. His parents were
gone, he was orphaned and wasn't close with his siblings so there was no way
for me to ever learn more about his lineage. I know a lot of hapas go
through the whole identity complex and im not trying to pull the lights
towards me but I think I had it pretty damn difficult growing up as a
halfer. I cant imagine how many times I have dreamt about having a
conversation with my dad right now, as an adult. Just kicking back drinking
beers and shooting the shit with my dad. now that would be epic.

after my dad died I tried really hard not to be mad at my mom. She became
the bad guy. I admit I blamed her for his death because she was the one that
brought him home from the hospital and had he been there, maybe they could
have resuscitated him. I didn't realize that it was his wish not to die in a
hospital. for giving him his last wish, my mom is a saint.

as the internet started to expand with social networks and other bullshit I
started to research his genealogy from time to time and never really could
come up with anything other than his military records that I had requested.
Never in my life did I expect this random email asking if I had information
on Richard Jerome Szymanski. Google it. There was never anything out there
until now.

you think you know but you have nooooooooooooooo idea how this feels right

so now I can say that I have 2 half sisters and a half brother on my dad's
side, and a half sister and a step brother on my mom's side. I think it's
safe to say that this can classify as some sort of twisted reality show.

yup i can see it now.

the life and crimes of eileen puatu szymanski


smells like wet dog in here.


Monday, April 06, 2009

if only all my days could end up like this:


There is love, of course.
And then there's life,
it's enemy.

sent from my eiPhone


it's those damn swamp eyes szymanski

some people love them some bayou

I gare-own-tee

then how would this person know about the buddha?
hmmm is it on your blog?
oh yeah it is
ho ho ho
congratulations Eileen Szymanski, you have a real stalker

~confetti falls and music starts to play~



  • 01:36 It's one of those omg moments #
  • 03:17 Yack mode #
  • 12:53 Back to blonde. They have way more fun anyway ;) #
  • 16:23 is bummed that I dropped $500 on the floor last night at monsters ball #
  • 23:05 Only when you eat a lemon do you appreciate what sugar is #


Sunday, April 05, 2009

Show me a beautiful girl
and I'll show you the guy
that's tired of fucking her.

sent from my eiPhone


  • 17:15 Monster's ball tonight! #
  • 20:29 Has black hair now #


Saturday, April 04, 2009

  • 11:53 @emosweater the get up kids??? No way where at?! #
  • 13:36 is in full on swoon mode #


Friday, April 03, 2009

  • 11:56 just rode the tower of terror with moms at california adventure #
  • 13:54 talk to my left hand cuz you just ain't right #
  • 22:22 trying ooooober hard to find this song: Deep At Night (Adam K & Soha Remix) #


Thursday, April 02, 2009

how long must I yearn
for your touch?


It was not despair;
but it seemed to her as if life were passing by,
leaving its promise

broken and unfulfilled.


  • 13:03 The waitress just gave my intern a blowjob. #
  • 20:00 Wingo Wednesday at Hooters #
  • 21:38 its like a jigsaw falling into place #


Wednesday, April 01, 2009

maybe in time,
you'll want to be


©2004 Eileen Szymanski


i want to be the brightest firefly
in your jar.


  • 17:03 nobody knows it but i've got a secret smile and i use it only on you. #
  • 23:34 the hottest love has the coldest end. #